I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
