I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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