Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
