Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
