Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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