So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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