I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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