I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
