Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
as a side note pls kill me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
