my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
