hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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