Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
