mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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