Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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