I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
