Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
