she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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