he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
