just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
