Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it glows. i had to have it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
