Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
