the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
