My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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