Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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