My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
