Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
