you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
