The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
