hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
