Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
