the condom got lost in my hair
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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