hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
