It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
