1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
