The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
