; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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