I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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