There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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