He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can vaginas get frostbite?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
