id be glad to
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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