Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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