It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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