Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
