I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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