Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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