You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize