she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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