sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
