escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
