I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
