Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
