I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
