Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
