They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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