My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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