Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
