Do you still have your period?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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