dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
