I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
