was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
