Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
