i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
