Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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