I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
