CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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