I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
