we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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