Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
