Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize