but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
