how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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