my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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